X Factor - Elton John Night

Right, so it's about that time. After a hiatus, I'm liveblogging the X Factor this fine evening. Don't forget to send all your abuse / feedback to abbasthehack@hotmail.co.uk, or @abbasali5000, which is my Twitter handle.


20.01


Right, we're in. The show is recapping Cheryl Cole's controversial's refusal to vote on last week's Sunday eviction show in which she effectively saved Katie Waissel / Weasel (pictured.). The national hate figure.


Cowell, Cole and co are hyping up the "pressure" on the contestants. It's so tough, tough, tough, it might as well be Masterchef.


20.03 Elton recently made comments in which he criticised the X Factor as an entertainment show, rather than a real music show. Wonder if that'll be referenced?


20.05 Danni's boy, Paije is on. Budget Cee-Lo.


 He's meeting Daniel Radcliffe at the Deathly Hallow prem, on screen. Signing autographs. Better not get too used to that, he won't doing it for too long, me thinks.


20.07 Never heard this number. Pajie in a pink suit. Seems to have gone down well.


And Louis is flaming it, calling it karaoke. He's blaming the song for being old. This is the man that managed Westlife, and Boyzone.


Simon's calling Louis on it, and his surreal "Lenny Henry" comment from last week. He's right, Louis has turned 180 degrees, and it's clearly done out of being competitive, rather than what he thinks. This is what I don't get about making the judges and mentors the same people. X Factor fundamentally flawed.


20.11 Simon's smelling blood. "Chances of winning, zero". Budget Cee Lo "that's your opinion". Few have challenged the Syco and lived to tell the tale.

alexneedham74 Alex Needham 

Bloody hell, if they restricted it to Elton John songs written after Paige was born it would be slim pickings #xfactor

Good point Alex. Incidentally, how many serious music journalists watch the X Factor? Looking at Twitter, it seems they ALL do.

20.16 Aiden's turn. 

He's doing 'Rocket Man'. Perfect choice. It captures his misunderstood, crazy nature. He seems more confident. I used to like him, but he does make mistakes, and loses the melody sometimes. Still one of the most interesting performers on the whole show, though.

Simon is sticking up for Aiden, and defending the wayward vocal from the mitts of Louis. I don't always like Simon, but I agree with this.

Aiden says he's getting "his swag on". I thought that was Cher Lloyd?

20.23 Time for Queen Bitch Louis to introduce chubby Oirsh Teso Mary. Mary says she couldn't imagine a life without being famous now. I worry for her. Will she be a Susan Boyle, or a Tesco checkout girl, in a years' time? 

I find something dislikeable about her voice. It's bombastic, and sometimes harsh. It doesn't have the sweet, sonorous quality of Boyle's voice. I'm a music journalist. What am I saying?!

She's doing 'Can You Feel The Love' a saccarine number from some Disney movie. It's not working. She's off key in places. 

Cheryl's feeling her. Simon says she's a pub singer, but has a heart. I think she's a pub singer, end of.

20.33 Cheryl's introducing the hate figure of the show, Katie. Showing that footage of her sat on the floor, singing "you know what, sod it", mid song.

I think people have been spectacularly mean to her. She's just a young girl, not an axe murderer.

And she's doing 'Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting.' An odd choice.The dancers are a bit of a mess behind her. I just don't get what they're doing with her. She could be really interesting as a performer but instead they're not making the most of her.

20.38 Louis' on his PMT again. He's right though, it is a wrong choice. She got lost in the song, it needed a powerful rock vocal, and it was weedy. Simon's sticking up for her, I'm guessing he has some kind of financial interest in her. I'm guessing she's going to be finally booted out this week.


20.41 Housewife's favourite Matt Cardle. He's one of the few, perhaps the only true artist on the show. He coasted last week singing his boot camp song. Wonder what it'll be this time?


'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.'


I think it's a wrong choice, but, lets face it, he's as safe as houses with his voice / fan base. Caitlin Moran thinks the song is "The Best One". Judges clamouring to sing his praises. Even Louis. 

The judges use hyperbole to protect their acts. "The hardest song of the competition", says Danni. I think not. 


Your Song. Matt should have song Your Song.


20.47

MissCay Christina McDermott 

Mr. Cay has just asked me if Louis is related to one of the Dolmio Puppets. #xfactor

20.51 We're back. Cheryl introduces Cher. The little squeeky voiced midget is sweet, but annoying. I could tweek her little nose. 


"I feel like a somebody now". I'm sad that kids are getting validation from celebrity culture like this. We're being sold the idea that celebrity is important, on this show.


And she's doing....'Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word' with a hip hop beat. Great song. Not a bad idea. 


They've medleyed it up with some other tune and a bit of rapping. She seems confident. I think it worked. 

jonronson jonronson 

Tonight she makes the total transformation into cheryl.

Cher looked identical to Cheryl when the camera cut to her. 


I don't get when the judges have a go at songs for being karaoke. What do they expect, it's a karaoke show? 


20.57 The madness that is Wagner decends upon the X Factor. 

lucytweet1 lucy sweet 

 by salihughes

Right now, Elton's sitting in his joggy bottoms, yelling at the telly while David dabs his brow with the Sotherby's catalogue #xfactor

Louis Walsh loves the light entertainment insanity aspect of the X Factor. Last year he championed Jedward, this year it's Wagner. It's terrifying and tragic that a man who doesn't care or know about music has British music in the palm of his hands.

20.58 'I'm Still Standing'. Off key, and with an insane stage show, as ever. 

"It was the wedding last week, what was this week, the reception". Danii summed him up.

Simon says it doesn't make any sense, and the Brazilian doesn't have a clue what's going on. 

Louis says Wagner reminds him of a young Elton John. What an absolute lunatic. He never fails to say something insane each week.

jedhallam Jed Hallam 

 by MissCay

Wagner = The count from sesame street, after years of alcoholism#xfactor

21.10 "I'd just like to apologise on behalf of the panel to Elton John" Simon Cowell.

I don't think he'll be too upset, when the royalty check comes in. 

Wand Erection, I mean One Direction are on. They're obviously having a ball with the ladies, and being famous. Little bar stewards.

21.12 'Something About The Way You Look Tonight'. It's all so Westlife. I think they've found their niche. Sound familar, Louis / Simon? 

They're singing in tune. Harry Styles. Women across the country fancy him. I mean WOMEN, not girls. Little blighter.

Louis can't keep his mouth off the Wand Erection.  He loves them. Gushing.

IT's their best performance of the competition, vocally. No one's mentioned that yet. They could be a MASSIVE pop group. They probably will.

caitlinmoran Caitlin Moran 

They're good boys and they deserve a treat *puts on leopardskin mac over bra, gets into cab*

It's good to see respected Times entertainment journalist Caitlin Moran is thinking with her...fu-fu.

caitlinmoran Caitlin Moran 

HOW DARE YOU DANIEL: RT @danielmaier: Wand Erection are singing 'Don't Let Your Mum Go Down on Me'. To your kids.

I suspect there's be a lot of 30-something women fantasising about Harry Styles while getting on with their old fellas tonight.

21.16 I's yummy Rebecca after the break. Thank god for that.

21.21. More footage from the Harry Potter première. This is the glamorous celeb party lifestyle YOU TOO can be part of. 


I think it's fawning Candle In The Wind, by the description of it. 


21.22 Yup, it is. Any idiot could sing this and get voted through to next week. The producers  / Syco are  obviously backing her and Matt in particular, to go on and be serious artists.


She's adding a soul aspect to the vocal, which is impressive, and moving. She seemed unconfident in early shows, but she's clearly hit a groove now.


First correct thing Louis's said all night "we saved the best for last". They keep banging on about her home town of Liverpool. 

DelaneyMan Sam Delaney 

She can hold a tune. But if she cleans my windows, no way I'm giving her a twenty and letting her go back to the van to fetch change.

21.27 Matt, Wand Erection, and Rebecca in the final three, I predict.


And that's it for tonight


___________ENDS_________

The X Factor : The Rage continues

As the entertainment behemoth that is ITV1’s The X Factor rolls into its sixth week, the show continues to attract massive 12-13 million plus ratings. It is to modern day music television what Top Of The Pops was in its 70s heyday. In an age of multiple media, the show has perfected the art of presenting a compelling narrative, harnessing the tabloids, social media and the “old” broadcast outlets in a highly addictive format. But why has the show produced so few actual music stars?

For every multimillion selling, respected artist like Leona Lewis, there are countless casualties like Leon Jackson, Jamie Archer, and, famously, Steve Brookstein. On screen success doesn’t guarantee real life success, perhaps because the X Factor is first and foremost an entertainment show. In much the same way that the Tea Party’s vociferous advocates in the US have been “astroturfed” into existence, the show’s fan base is a thin, large veneer, including many whose interest in music is shallow, and cursory.

But while it’s true that many tune in for the sideshow of contestants like Wagner and Jedward, there are true many music fans, such as myself, who find the show promises the prospect of music, but leaves such hunger largely unsated. What is offered is instead incredibly bland and pedestrian, a far cry from realities of contemporary music at its most exciting. This country has produced some of the world’s most compelling music, from the Beatles to Blur, and what unites much of it is innovation. I believe the show could thrive on more original source material, if it had any courage, while at the same time remaining accessible to a mass audience.

It was as a protest against the show’s blandness and it’s media manipulation that last year disgruntled viewer, Jon Morter began an internet campaign, to get Rage Against The Machine’s classic anti-establishment anthem ‘Killing In The Name Of’ to number one. The Facebook group garnered an amazing half a million followers, with the same number going out to buy the record during the festive season. They succeeded in keeping X Factor winner Joe McElderry off the top spot for the prestigious Christmas number one, with the 18 year old’s manufactured pop hit ’The Climb’ missing out.

RATM’s song ends in a repeated refrain. “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me”. The message to Cowell and his condescending corporate pop cohorts was clear, or so I thought. The British public, to whom the show truly belongs, didn’t want the smelly stuff that was being shovelled at them by a large money-making machine. It was a gesture designed to reclaim the charts, and tell the powers that be that people want something of more substance than bland numbers written by cabals of middle aged professional songwriters. Have the shows producers listened?

As a music fan, and a TV fan, I looked to this series avidly, for a reaction. By some freakish accident, Cher Lloyd’s debut on the show mooted such a possibility, with her audition, which she performed Keri Hilson’s version of the Soulja Boy hit ‘Turn My Swag On’, much to the surprise and delight of the judges. Meanwhile, Matt Cardle’s arresting performance at boot camp of ‘First Time Ever I Saw Your Face’ was an all too rare, shocking moment of genius in an otherwise anodyne series.

It’s notable that both moments in the early stages. As time has gone on through though, the producers have squeezed any sense of individuality, genuine musicality and self-expression out of the contestants to produce much the same results as previous, stage managed years. As we speak, a campaign is gathering on the internet to see John Cage’s 4’33” go to number one. The protest, entitled ‘Cage Against The Machine’, picks up where last year’s grass roots movement left off, to see the entirely silent piece go to number one in the place of any Simon Cowell-endorsed crony. In the nations’ most popular music show, there’s still yet to be any significant sign that the makers understand how much the public really do love music, and until they get it, the Rage will continue.