Celebrity Big Brother : LiveBlogging the Beginning of the End

K, it's that time again, fillies and fellas...Tis January, and time for the very final Celebrity Big Brother. It is soooo low rent, but it's time to see what Davina, and the trashiest show on TV has to offer...

21:10 : It's 10 minutes in a Page 3 hottie Nicola T is displaying her wares for an assembled audience of screaming BB fans, and enters the house.....her and Steve "Usual Suspects" Baldwin are meeting, and bonding. Something I thought I'd never see.....

So, we've had a glimpse of what the house is like, some messages from the sponsors, and she's back. Queen of BB, Davina is now introducing cross-dressing cage fighter (TM Tabloid-speak) Alex Reid, and asking specifically about the spat that has appeared in todays' tabloids. He says "catagorically no", he didn't go in for fisticuffs action with Dane Bowers, and he's on his way into the house......


21.21: Now Stephanie Beecham is being introduced. Via a glamourous A-List introduction, which includes both Marlon Brando, Dynasty and Coronation Street (what a combo), and she climbs the stairs, and after a brief intro from Davina, looking resplendent, and rather tasty, she goes in those famous doors, into the pimped house.

Davina is disgusted that Steve doesn't know who the Beecham is. Chavsexual Lady Sovereign is being introed. I must say, the hot little scally should make good telly, but this isn't quite the spicy lineup I was hoping for, not quite what tabloids promised, but there's still more to come......

Oh, and it looks like "sov" is bonding with the mates, though there's a lot of mutual wondering who the hell everyone else is in the house.......

21.30: So far, so BB. over at unrealitytv.co.uk, Lisa McGarry isn't happy that Nicola T's nips made it just after the watershed. Personally, I was pleasantly surprised to see those babies. Not sure how Mr Baldwin will take it, given that he's a born again Christian, though.....

Now it's time for "Thon Th Thon thon thong Song" Sisqo. Last year it was Coolio. Looks like they're following something of a tried and tested formula here, and it's the job of the Thong man to be the ladies man / villain?

He singing about butts on the podium for the fans. It's bizzarre.

21.36 His impromptu performance of the mighty Thong Song gains cheers from the crowds, and he tells the big D he likes the ladies, and through the doors of the pimp house he goes.....

They're discussing Satanism. Sisqo seems surprising nice, warm and polite.

21.38 It's only Dane "Out Of Your Mind" Bowers. And tonight is full of revelations, as Davina confirms there was no bust-up this morning, despite rumours to the contrary in todays' tabloids. HOLD THE FRONT PAGE EVERYONE. People seem the know the words to an Another Level tune as he walks down. He confirms there was no bust up with Alex Reid. Seems the only boobs at last night's party were the plastic ones that belonged to Katie Price.

21.43: One more for the confirmed lineup: Heidi Fleiss. Hollywood madam. Her intro makes her sound like a ready-made tabloid story, though she's someone that most people in this country haven't heard of till now. She knows enough about who's used the "services" of her girls in Tinseltown to cause a tabloid frenzy, and Davina politely asks her to spill the beans when she's behind bars. She plays it cool, and rolls in. Looking straight at Steven Baldwin, she says "I've seen you before". This will surely be in tomorrow's papers!!

21.51: As expected by the media, cheesy trance meister Basshunter is on, aka Jonas Altberg. He's single, apparently, and tells Davina he's going to touch "bass", and then "go hunting". He seems to have a penchant for getting his kit off for PR shots, as well. Nicola rushes over to say hello when he walks in. Stephanie Beecham, subtly but perceptably licks her lips. Heidi likes him too. I suspect he's going to be popular....

One more for the house. It's only Ron Wood's Ex, Katia Ivanova! Ok, this show is turning into tabloid dynamite. The girl who was about 4 decades younger, and allegely beaten by the Rolling Stone walks up, looking like a mousy, blond and rather waify version of Bjork. In a weird half-London half-Eastern Europe accent she tells Davina that Ronnie is "still a friend", and so he supports her decision to join the show.

Now Ex-Wimbledon hardman turned Hollywood 'ard geeza Vinne Jones up. Davina asks if he's gonna be well 'ard. He dodges the question, and tells Davina he's gonna "av a larf". Dressed rather dapper, in a pork pie Mod hat, and jacket. In a bizarre reversal of fortunes, he says hello to the housemates, before sitting down, and telling Stephanie Beecham he lives on Muholland Drive.

22.09: Big Brother is chipping in with his first, "icebreaker" task: How many people can you fit in a mini Cooper in 5 minutes.

After that initial flurry of insanity, we're getting all 5 minutes, live from inside the house. The car is decorated up as a devil. After a bit of a squeeze, they're back out, and Davina is back on that podium saying bye.

And that was it. The tabloid baiting show that has insipired questions to be tabled in Parliament, and effigies to be burned in India is back on TV, for one last show. the first glasses of wine are cracked out, and Paul Oakenfolds' familiar theme tune plays out the final moments of the show. In many ways, BB has defined the past decade of celebrity culture, and here we are at the beginning of a new decade, 3 days in, and it's back on, one last time. Surely with the lineup so reinvigorated, so ripe for tabloid speculation, it can't be the last time we'll see this show? One suspects Channel 4 are going to have to come up with a similar reality TV format to replace one after its' last bow this year, but for now, let the games commence......